
I don't know what i should feel , it seems it's been hard and difficult for me to show my love to anyone . How and how i would be the cause of their shame , how and how i'm the reason to be blame . Certain things are meant to be kept hidden , when would i find freedom to love without people judging me , saying things that really does not concern them . I hate it , i hate this feeling being said about my past , getting scolded and being blame for causing embrassment to the family . So many times i though of just killing myself so that i won't be a bother to them cause they making me feel guilty and regret living in this fuck up world. Would i truly find happiness or would be stuck here as their baby girl , sometimes it's not fair . I guess i could never find peace in my life , i would just be unhappy, stuck and lock up . God , why are you playing with my feelings? I don't know what i should do , and i feel that crying about it is pointless . I'm trying my best to keep the balance with my life , my love and my family . But how and how i'm just hurting them , how i wish i could just dissapear so that they don't need to worried and make me feel like a big FUCKING embarassment to them . :-( I'm sorry for being the greatest dissapointment you ever had !
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