I feel more stupid knowing that everything is not fine but it's becoming difficult again . Why does this happen to me ? i finally found someone who cares for me and love me but bad things would happen especially facing hard obsticles. I'm in love with a girl yes a girl whose named Nas and i really love her dearly but i just don't get it where's the freedom of love to love someone regardless of their gender . So what if we both women and we deeply in love each other ?, society said is wrong Religion against it to love someone with the same gender?? Why do the problems would be pointed to me ? Somehow whatever i do , said or be the person i am is wrong . I wonder when would i finally find peace to search for my own happiness , slowly i've been drag deeper to a black hole and time to time i felt so useless cause of the blame that i've been getting . Wow it seems like with me here living and breathing do revolved with others that i became the middle person who gets blame and scolded . Dying is the simple solution i could think off at the pont of time because if i'm not around there's nomore people to feel hurt , nomore trouble and burden would be given to anyone :( i did tried my best to keep moving forward but it seems like my soul been eaten up slowly by the darkness . Nowhere for me to run or hide but only to be devour slowly inside by my inner demon . The thoughts of suicide ever appear time to time but after meeting Nas things seems different , some changes did happen atleast the old me used to be dead long time ago came back bit by bit . Negative thoughts do appear and disturbs me but Nas tried her very best to help by being by my side . Even thought it maybe a small things she did it's well appreciated and i love her . Yes for once i can say i really love a person so deep . I guess saying it then feeling the love is different, i can't simply describe the feeling . All i know that when i'm with her i feel the love and i was happy . I didn't need to fake myself to be happy and sharing the saddess moments the tears and laughter made me reliased that there's still hope for me to believe that love still exist . She told me she won't give up on me and i myself in return would not give up on her too but is it selfish of me to drag her along with the sadness i felt , i guess not ! :( what should do?
