Sick days

So today i am sick , boobear so sweet for feeding me chicken porridge even though she said she wanted to cook for me but in the end of the day mummy the cook for me instead ... so they say dot dot dot dot the thoughts matters HAHA! :)
Just a normal comman flu, somehow my baby has fingers issues she get paranoid went my fingers start playing the " move like jagger anthem " Phys co but i love her !! ok la tomorrow busy day luckily tomorrow im off so i can go collect my checked , see this fucking starhub bill thingy and off to see fai fai ... ciaoooooo

New change me

Oh fuck after so long of M.I.A ing from writing , i finally get to retrieved back the blogger . So its been 3 days back to my 21 th birthday :D as usual it was blast sat party then sun bbq thanks to all my slutsarmy and my girlfriend love ya loads oh yea my bestfriends too reffering to si hui and fai fai of course . Yes things would probably change now its time to grow up and throw the past behind and look ahead to new brighter future ... Balaimos people wohooo :D!!!

Love is a Suicide

What can i say , things start to change a little .. it felt like little salt fallen on the wound , so painful .. All i can do is wait and see if it's getting better or worse .. My head playing with me or it meant to to hurt this much , shut up brain shut up .. all i can do is hope for the best !

Overprotected

I don't know what i should feel , it seems it's been hard and difficult for me to show my love to anyone . How and how i would be the cause of their shame , how and how i'm the reason to be blame . Certain things are meant to be kept hidden , when would i find freedom to love without people judging me , saying things that really does not concern them . I hate it , i hate this feeling being said about my past , getting scolded and being blame for causing embrassment to the family . So many times i though of just killing myself so that i won't be a bother to them cause they making me feel guilty and regret living in this fuck up world. Would i truly find happiness or would be stuck here as their baby girl , sometimes it's not fair . I guess i could never find peace in my life , i would just be unhappy, stuck and lock up . God , why are you playing with my feelings? I don't know what i should do , and i feel that crying about it is pointless . I'm trying my best to keep the balance with my life , my love and my family . But how and how i'm just hurting them , how i wish i could just dissapear so that they don't need to worried and make me feel like a big FUCKING embarassment to them . :-( I'm sorry for being the greatest dissapointment you ever had !

Phucket Trip still far far away but ca save alot money to relax and shopping most of all spending my time with my baby . After getting paid i'm gonna get i phone 4 with baby , do me hair, and buying couple ring :D .. little things we could do .. I hope my baby would get well soon Ciao !

Sudden heartache!

After so many years i recovered from the unbearable pain , it struck back after last night incident . I guess my heart was never heal in the first place , it was cover up by the numbnest i felt and the wound that was inflected on me seems so fresh . My heart just sank with a sudden change knowing i'm getting overly close to her , it hurts went i think about it . I guess the shield that i used to put up was down and in return i took that risk to feel the first blow. Mentally and physically the pain was there , gave me a shock of my life . I know for sure it won't hurt this much if i didn't meant it but i did , i'm emotionally and deeply in love with her . Yes so many times she told me that Q was her past but i do feel that sense of insecurity with myself . I have to understand that sometimes we miss the person but why do i feel out of place ? Am i suppose to be in this picture ? I'm being selfish and i hate it . I'm sorry i'm truly am , i wanted just to run away and hide myself . I'm scared of getting hurt , it hurts too much to be hurt once again .. putting all aside my pain , all i see is her and i know that there's where i wanna stay right by her side . I would not know what would happen next if i get second blow i think i would literally fall flat with a heart attack. Hais...

Chup chup

isn't t cute like a cute family potrait me , baby boo and the kids :D It was baby's brother in law open house , nice food and it was fun especially miggling around with the kids and somehow being like my the family . just little things i do for my love .. love you loads my baby boooo <3

I'm just feeling numb went i think that the past is catching up with me , nomatter how hard i try to walk forward i would end up being pull back an inch and had to flick it away. Wait , shouldn't i be blessed i have a wonderful gf who cares and love me, my family doing fine , getting back my job next week , totally problemless..But why do i feel like something missing . Am i feeling this way because the past had broken and torn me so badly that i became so empty , is it possible? Had to blame noone but myself ...
It hurts to know sometimes unintentionally i'll hurt her with words , furthermore i know that i'm being difficult towards her most of the time because i'm an insecure bith or it has to do with my past experience . It isn't fair for me to torment her with what that become of me ,i feel more like a monster. It hurts me alot cause i tried asking her to leave me because i though it would be the best solution i could think off. In that way she won't be hurt and she could find somebody much more deserving than myself . Each time i felt like giving up on myself , she would just pull me back to her arms and kiss away the pain , would simply forget what i planned of . Being with her makes me happy ,go to learn new things about each other and adapting new environment especially mingling with her families . I do love her dearly,i just want this torture to stops . At times went the least expected incident happen especially when the topic of Q appear with her family accidently sayig it , i could see her expression and not sure whether it realy hurt her or myself . Each time this happen i always felt like i'm in the way of things , either i felt like a replacement or start to compare myself with her .What if she would come back what would happen next ? She has a kid of her own but i would always remember that my girlfriend love kids , it won't matter that much right? Why not she be with her back and love the kid as her own seen alot of this thing happen always . When that happen i would sincerely give way and wish her allthe happiness ahead , for the happiness odf the person i love i think that's the best i could do for her . It's been playing in my head over and over again .. I tried telling myself its in the past and i'm in the present with her now that matters but how about the future ahead ? Is enough of me getting broken promises that not kept , enough of fearing of being alone ,and enough of me feeling of heartaches . I wonder when would i truly find the peace and happiness for once in my 20 years life? Only god knows..

When love appear it seems so beautiful and blessing but behind the beautiful picture lies the torns. I kept telling myself is alright is ok everything would be fine be patience and endure but the more i tried the harder it gets, the more i suffocates and the more deeper i fall in a black hole ... What will become of me , if i'm noone now?

Happy Bdae to my Baby Boo!!

I love you baby boo if you're reading this all i want you know that my love for you is sincere and i hope we walk far ahead together hand in hand . Being with you is a blessing for me , you made me believe that there's still hope for love . My heart belong to u now take care of it . Thanks for being by my side tru tears and laughter , side by side me laugh and cry together . I'm very grateful to have found u and be with you . Happy 1 month annivesary too Love you loads Muacks!

Confusion

I feel more stupid knowing that everything is not fine but it's becoming difficult again . Why does this happen to me ? i finally found someone who cares for me and love me but bad things would happen especially facing hard obsticles. I'm in love with a girl yes a girl whose named Nas and i really love her dearly but i just don't get it where's the freedom of love to love someone regardless of their gender . So what if we both women and we deeply in love each other ?, society said is wrong Religion against it to love someone with the same gender?? Why do the problems would be pointed to me ? Somehow whatever i do , said or be the person i am is wrong . I wonder when would i finally find peace to search for my own happiness , slowly i've been drag deeper to a black hole and time to time i felt so useless cause of the blame that i've been getting . Wow it seems like with me here living and breathing do revolved with others that i became the middle person who gets blame and scolded . Dying is the simple solution i could think off at the pont of time because if i'm not around there's nomore people to feel hurt , nomore trouble and burden would be given to anyone :( i did tried my best to keep moving forward but it seems like my soul been eaten up slowly by the darkness . Nowhere for me to run or hide but only to be devour slowly inside by my inner demon . The thoughts of suicide ever appear time to time but after meeting Nas things seems different , some changes did happen atleast the old me used to be dead long time ago came back bit by bit . Negative thoughts do appear and disturbs me but Nas tried her very best to help by being by my side . Even thought it maybe a small things she did it's well appreciated and i love her . Yes for once i can say i really love a person so deep . I guess saying it then feeling the love is different, i can't simply describe the feeling . All i know that when i'm with her i feel the love and i was happy . I didn't need to fake myself to be happy and sharing the saddess moments the tears and laughter made me reliased that there's still hope for me to believe that love still exist . She told me she won't give up on me and i myself in return would not give up on her too but is it selfish of me to drag her along with the sadness i felt , i guess not ! :( what should do?

I feel kinda sad and stupid at the same time , all i need just you to spend the time doing stupid stuff with me . But still i just do my thing while you insist on continuing to sleep . Really upset me alot :(

Something doesn't feel right , it's bugging me for the whole day after last night partying. Even if i have you but it ain't enough , still felt something missing . I'm in love with you but i'm scare and i'm inlove with someone else too . I can't decide because it's getting too confusing for me . Is it right?

Yougart ADDICTION

Shit i'm gonnna looossssssseeeee my mind i'm addicted to frozen yougart almost everyday i must have one taste of it AHHHHHHHH! My new fav dessert ^-^V

Boredness at work hits :)

Things would get better , somehow somewhere i would believe in love again :)

Dinner ,Club and more club..

Hmm so i enjoyed with my family for a seafood and satay dinner then we went alititude for drinks and chat , later on to hindi pub . Altitude was at the roof top 63 floor and mamu was having height phobia hhahahas but itwas chillaxing . I was dead drop tired cause not enough sleep but my throat and flu recovering :) sometimes changes is good thing !

Bonvoyage Sebbie

I'm gonna miss sebbie alot , we party on fri , drinks hahas dancing like slut and enjoying ourselves for his farewell paty to Melbourn. His going to study there and will return back another next 3 years but time to time he would come back sg to visit us during his school holidays or we visit him there :D Can't deny i willl missss him so much . We create a 5 groupies of me , sebbie , zac , travis and fai fai called the sluterious XD so funny but it wouldn't be slutirious if sebbei ain't around but i hope he has a safe journey and would do well there . Now is 5:30 am gotta meet him at the airport at 7 am then his going off at 9am . xoxo sebbie

Yup this is what i'm talking about :D!

"Never make a rush decision for yourself to have a relationship when you feel unsure because the last you want to do is dissapointing and hurt the person you so called love" :D
I've been following this text and print it carefully in my dictionary of love . Is true we don't even what gonna happen next it's better be precaution then be sorry in the end . The point is never rush only fool rush .
1 July 2011 today FRIDAY ... TGIF!!!!

Pinkdot and dinner dates !

This weekdays and weekend :)

So i will upload pictures of this of steamboat and Pinkdot event . I really had fun with sebbei and spending times with new friends i guess better to change and know which are your true friends . We ate alot during the steamboat , congrats to sebbei for ORD then for pinkdot 8000 people was there it was awsome you can see everyone wearing pink hahas then off to eat Mahatten fish market mostly everyone date each other for a meal and i was partner with travis ily hahas ok here's the pic ! Trm gotta work wohooo!

Support Pink dot

It's a campaigne where you support the freedom of love regardless it's interracials or same sex . Today happening around 5 , big event . I'm excited cause sebbei baking cookies yum yum and i'mma gonna enjoy myself there. Planning to doa DYI miley cyrus curls since my have is much longer as usual wohooo alright gotta shower and curls and meet them at clarke quay we gogoogoogogogogogogogo ciao and have a great weekend everyone!

Just say i do , baby

How sweet if this song was dedicated to someone that special to you , melt the hearts and all you can though is good memories of the person you love . For that moment nothing matters only the speacial one :D

The Virus that we can overcome

Depression is like a venom that been poison our vein inside us , you can't simply die from it but suffer bit by bit and eat u up. Why i bring up this topic because i met my close girlfriend and she suffering from it without knowing she had it . Mixed emotion and down points she's having , sometimes i felt like all they need is love , care and support but at times they are a stubborn bitch who said words that mean oppisite . Pushing the people that help them because they want to be in that safe zone and just cover themselves with pain then letting it go . It feels like pain is the only drug that keep them alive , it's a kinda sad though seeing this but there's always hope in all this . The truth is it's up to them to stand up more like self will , it's pointless asking them to stand up when they don't want help themselves . They may take baby step but the best antidote is to keep on trying and see the positive side on everything . It never the end of the world if depression hits you , it's more like for you to start fresh and rewired certain things, be someone better and great in life . People may not see it but there's always a reason why god made us individual this way, HE has his plan for us . Seeing how strong our hope and faith is and as human being we should try not to give up even the obsticles it's hard because in the end of those pile of shit u gone through is a goal of life that u would accomplished . Happiness start's with you , we have brain to think and decision is up to us whether we want make a better out of our life or give up. Before u wan to help somebody or be happy , u should start to do that by helping urself and be happy first . Based on my experience .. Ciao

I don't know why but today i did had fun and yea i got pissed at first but things turn out alright . Sorry to say Envon in that moment when she look at me eye to eye , she's very charming and i'm somehow attracted to her .Beginning to build my inner gay side on liking girl. There's something her that connection . Just gotta see how things go , trm i have a steamboat .

Sometimes it seems that when you least expected old memories of you and the past pass by you for that moment . Maybe a picture or something that remind you of the past . Those old times you were innocent and now everything drasticly change in an instant and you know that you unable to be that old person again because it's already dead and gone. Today i went out with yvonne had lunch , play arcade , ice cream and end up dying my hair it suppose to be light brown but it turn red goodness! Still have the bbq and steamboat on wed not sure i can go that's the problem dang ! Will see first i guess ..

Sunday fever!

Today seems to be a chillaxin sunday morning , delicious home cook food , watching back to back sop and resting my feet up and relaxin myself . Feeel like a great life for me hahas . Start from the coming week GYM ,GYM ,GYM , WORK , WORK , CLUB , RELAX .. most probably that's my schedule for this weekdays and weekend :D Have a great weekend ! Ciao!!

Recently i heard this song on the radio when i visit my friend shop for dinner . Maher zain - for the rest of my life first time i heard it i fallen in love with the song :)I guess some of you knew this song before me but i want to share it though Enjoy and ciao !

Pasta + Karaoke session = Fun :)

Today was fun had dinner with wifey , si hui and ella at pasta mania NEX then off karaoke . Yea Si hui came back from school around 5 , ella from shopping and wifey too from school end up everyone meet around 6 plus and we came back home around 12 plus to 1 am . It was great though :D!Need sleep ciao

Wow so this how things happen yst . When to tampines Cpf building then off to punggol plaza eat steak and spaghetti, then off to queenway to shop , next of to center point to robinson , ochard central then somerset 313 . Then rush off to cally's place for steamboat , ate delicious cookies that sebei bake YUMYUM!! then rank at "back stage " then off clubbing. Now waking up next day with a huge headache and hangover ..hmmm i feel sleeeeeeepppppyyy ;D!! Can't wait for trm for shopping and karaoke .Alright ! Ciao.. There's still pink dot vent and another bbq party at nicole's place wohoooo enjoy!

So it's simple tomorrow gonna settle my school fees for NAFA before hand going to CPF building with daddy to settle with the school issue too :D then dinner going off to ANgel's bdae party then Night gonna club with my co worker friend Ashton and my PLAY buddies :D.. hmmm and next day i'm working dammmmmmnnnn but it's alright i start work at 11 30 am hmm but still about 4 to 5 hours sleeeeepp hmmmmm.. I'm in a happy mood today , apart on getting my pay , get to pay my school fees ,rebond and extension i look different love my new look :D!! My crazy neighbour downstair haing a noise war with us throwing ball and hitting toward ceiling , it's call mental . Can't handle noise stay in jungle hahas :) Gotta get shut eyss needa wake up early ^-^

There's no need to rush when it comes to love or future

I don't know why but i feel serenity and it's a good thing . No much of problems but i want to be very happy and go towards my dreams . Gonna pay my school fees, have steamboat with sebbie they all , karaoke session with my new friends , i guess things fallen into pieces for me nowdays .I have social life , meeting new people and learn things whether is good or bad . People seems afraid that they die alone or couldn't get married and rush when it comes to love, being single rocks . The only responsibility you need be concern of is yourself .There's no point in rushing only fools rush, we should enjoy life to the fullest and when the right time comes it would just happen . Why rushing to get married well for me my age still young and yea i'm gonna be 21 this yr and i want to achieve goals , dreams , diploma/degree , have alot of money and savings then i would settle down . What's the point on settling down if u can't afford expenses to built up a family of your own , You only gonna make yourself and your future children suffer . I learn that from my parent and uncle is true when we were young nothing matters and we thought love can conquer alot of obsticles but it ain't true at all when we start to grow up we think maturely and know that we need to build a foundation first to have a family or future of your own . As kids / teens we intend to be stubborn to not listen to our parent but we ought to listen to them but as the saying goes we ain't perfect but from our mistakes we learn from it . So always think positive and keep moving forward that's what i believe imma gonna stick to that . Ciao!

We gonna survive , not gonna end yet.

Is true that everyone will die someday, but dying without any regret seem impossible especially for me . There's still unfinished bussiness i need o settle especially chasing my dreams , getting my diploma and degree, What else? finding my partner in life wheher is a girl or guy, earning alot of money, beig self independant and finally seeing amu and my family happy of course so the world can't end today and i won't believe in some idiot who thinks it's gonna end . As long as there's still hope and faith in god the world would end so fast. Is not that i have selfish needs on my own but veryone want to the hope to see a brighter future ahead. Well awaits till 6pm and see what happen if it's true then i couldn't do anything but to accept it but if not the only person that gonna die is the so called ministry of christian and his followers, and no i'm not cursing them to die bt because of thier behaviour causes dirruption to the public and world . Whatever yo believe in or what religion you are only god knows when is the end would come , all we can do is pray and have faith and don't over doing it !

Gotten my nafa letter of contract man it's 30 pages long . Gotta decide the module i'm taking and soon gonna start school. Geez i have to majorly do something about my hair =.= 3 more weeks before rebonding and extention .

Happy Vesak day biatches!
Anyways things been quiet ther then i'm less interested in bangbang and his so called feelngs , i just don't get it why can't we have pure friendship other then him getting so into his feelings . I so excited to awaits next month thought . Pay day! Btw the bishop or whatever christian are making a fool out of themselves . No human being or prophet mind my spelligs can predic the end of he world oh yea saying that this SATURDAY is judgement day . Remember you ain't god at all so stop trying to be one . Arite gotta go watch some tv show wohhooooo ciaoooo !

I'm over you and your drama .

For the pass two weeks i've been working for 8 days already . Awaits for next week i'll be working for 3 das . I waned to work more cause need to earn hard for GSS shopping sphree . Gambateh me then !! :D wish me luck guys

The pictures out sebbie bbq party and i like the pictures very much few photos only cuz the rest pt private for a reason hahahs XD